I don’t like writing about writing.
I don’t like talking about writing. It’s such an intensely personal experience for me, I have difficulty even trying to explain the processes that go on in my head which take things more or less from thin air to words and characters on a screen.
As you may or may not know, I’m in the midst of a whirlwind right now. I’m tearing down the life I’ve built here, moving across the country, going back home to Maine. Twenty years ago I left the I had there and took off with my boyfriend at the time to explore life in another world. I was bored and wanted to see what was out there. Don’t regret it for a sec. I’ve been through some craziness. My life was nuts for a while, then I settled down into the corporate world. Sorta. But I ended up in a strange contradictory sort of place. I was under a non-compete clause under my old employer, which basically boiled downed to the fact that I could have been fired for writing non-fiction for any publication they considered competition, and they pretty much considered everything competition. I turned down a lot of offers for various zines, just out of fear (ok, perhaps a bit of paranoia) that it would cost me my job. I recently walked away from said job, and it’s just now sinking in that I don’t have those restraints anymore. I guess I just felt like I had been on the edge of a cliff for so long, fuck it, might as well jump.
So far, so good. So what.
I’m working with Our City Radio, a company that is launching a series of online radio stations catered to the local music scene and businesses in each locale. I am loving this job This week, as the result of a good deal of internal backstory/shenanigans, I posted this article, and my manager told me it was genius. I’m still blinking and going ‘Really? This is my job? You’re not only not firing me for this, you’re complimenting me?”
This job RULES.
I think it’s safe to say I made the right call. I needed a change.
Oddly, at the onset of this, I made a facebook post that just said ‘ch-ch-ch-changes’ because the David Bowie song was in my head the day I started making decisions. Turns out I was being a little psychic. One of the jobs I have now involves work coming into a queue, and I was advised to use an add on that alerts me when I have work. Said add on plays the David Bowie song when I have work.
Life tends to do that to me.
I’m in for an interesting year, and my boyfriend, who is on the other end of the country, is in a very similar situation. Just worked out that way.
Life is so flipping weird sometimes.
I don’t really have much of a point to this post, other than that it feels great to be breaking some of the chains that have been holding me back. Maybe those chains were more constrictive in my own mind than in my reality. Maybe I wouldn’t have been fired for contributing to a local zine. But at the time it was too risky to chance, so I never really tapped into freelance work. Now I’m finding all sorts of opportunities. I’m also going to be writing for a metal zine, and starting to give back to everything this music has given to me over the years.
We all build our own prisons. And I’ve just jumped the wall.
In the midst of moving chaos and really looking forward to reconnecting with my roots. I have friends and family up north I have hardly seen in the last 20 years. I’ve built a circle of amazing friends here, and as much as I hate leaving them, I’m so stoked to get back to me. If I can just get past the mountains-of-boxes stage … and get everything sorted out.
I’m a bit overwhelmed. I haven’t written in weeks, which has not happened for as long as I can recall. It’s temporary, and I’m antsy. But I have to get things sorted out, and I’m giving myself a break, even though I don’t want a break.
That’s all. Half drunken rambly post.